Growing up as a Chinese immigrant in the U.S. has a unique challenge, particularly for women. We are constantly torn by the struggles of Chinese v. U.S. cultures, female v. male, etc.
I grew up in a traditional Chinese family in which obedience to the authority and elderly is deeply ingrained in ways of our lives. However, I also grew up with a rebellious spirit hating the Chinese male chauvinist culture.
I am the middle of three children in my family. I have an older sister and a younger brother. My sister benefited from being the 1st born, and my brother, being the 1st boy of the family. They got the attention and preferential treatment from friends and family with those born stature. Being the 2nd born and a female, neither gave me any advantage, I was bound to be chopped liver.
It was not particularly helpful when the history we studied often placed the blame on a poor woman for the fall of a certain great emperor or dynasty, and the society was bombarded with the media glorifying obedient women and demonizing those with any strong personality. There was this superstition that a family's misfortune must be related to a cursed woman married into the family. The favoritism towards the male population and bias against women was so overwhelming, it made me angry growing up.
Ironically, no matter how much I hated such cultural mentality, my subconscious is uncontrollably bound by it.
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